remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
