If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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