umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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