Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
