smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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