So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
