walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
