So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
