her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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