I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
