R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
