"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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