I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
