So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
