Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
