I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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