I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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