i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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