The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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