weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Betty ford says i'm here all night
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
