I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize