eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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