Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Someone signed my nipple.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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