Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
