my mouth tastes like poor choices
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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