Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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