if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
