Why does Corona taste like a burp?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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