I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
