His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
