i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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