i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
