glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
