I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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