I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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