Whoa Z and x make the same sound
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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