i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
