Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
