Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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