His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
