..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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