True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
