i think my tv is drunk
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
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