Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
