____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
