there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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