Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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