Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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