Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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