Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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