so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
