you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
