Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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