My nipple is on Facebook.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my being single is dangerous.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
