I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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