Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
