You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
