I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
