PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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