i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize