if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
