My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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