i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
