Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
