the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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