i can't believe i had my finger in that
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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