he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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