She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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