i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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