Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
