Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
