Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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