Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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