i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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