My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
