Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize