I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
