So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
and you fell through a lawn chair
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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