how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
