So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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