I accidentally burped into my bong.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
