i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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