party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
