At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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