You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
