The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
