Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
