:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
