Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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