Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
