Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
