Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
