apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I cut my penus on the lid.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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