Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
