Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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