Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
