so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Edward fifth and chaser hands
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize