I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
