Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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