Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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