Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
