I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
