I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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