i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
