from now on my penis is your penis
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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