bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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