Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
