My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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