definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
