boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
