I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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