i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
