I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
