i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
