dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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